"Why are we lying?" by anh Duc wesleyan (thanks anh for the post!)

(source: http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-qIQWiTEzdai42376P.NQN8828w--?cq=1&p=911)

"Why are we lying?

Thanks to my friends for the meaningful conversations...

Personally, I will put up with a lot of things in a relationship, whether in love, family, or friendship. One thing however, I find it hard to tolerate and forgive ifI am lied to.

This may also be the case for many people out there. We all hate lies, we all dislike liars. So the question is:

Why is it so much easier to tell a lie, rather than a truth?

For one thing, there are a million distorted and parallel versions of truth, but there is exactly only one truth.

Besides that, a lie always seems to yield certain advantages at the moment of speaking. People lie when trying to avoid confrontation, or to show off and impress. Or they may be thinking “The truth hurts” and thus tell lies to protect their own feelings, or other people’s feelings. Some people lie just because they think the truth is not important, while others would pull up the “big lie, small lie” to defend themselves.

Here’s a truth: A lie is simply a lie; size does not matter, reasons do not matter. No matter how many millions of complicated ways one can think of to justify lying, when a person lies, they have broken a bond – an unspoken agreement to treat others as we would like to be treated.

I believe, most people are honest, which means they don’t often tell lies, but THEY DO! None of us here have never told a lie before (if you’re saying you’re an exception, then that’s a freaking lie too); we started lying when we were 5 or 6 years old. Even more often, we hear lies in every single day of our life. Some lies you can spot right away, but some you may never know. Anyways, the frequency of people lying is too high that we gradually believe those “white lies” are harmless, or less hurtful than the truth. We start using excuses to lie, such as we’re being considerate of other people’s feelings. Those are bullshits. I repeat, bullshits. If the truth hurts, then it does, no matter when it is told. It can only be made less hurtful by the way you tell it, not how you cover or modify it. On the other hand, lies or omission of truth are only means to protect the liars. How can you possibly “protect” someone from pain and hurt, when the truth eventually will come out? Wouldn’t that cause a lot more pain, since along with the truth, they will also find out that they have been deceived?

Lying also gets worse with the passage of time. When you get away with a “little” lie or a “white lie” it often impels you to continue your deceptions. You will get stuck in the vicious cycle of lying until you cannot lie anymore, either because the guilt, if any, is too much to handle, or because other people start seeing through your lies. The longer the truth is untold, the closer you are reaching towards the “distrust threshold”. Once you have stepped onto the other side, repair of trust is almost impossible.

Honesty is even more important when it comes to relationships. Lying should not be tolerated and can be the ground for an immediate end to the relationship. If you cannot trust your partner, the relationship will not last. If you lie to your partner, the relationship will not last either. You should let them know the real you, no make-ups, no cover-ups. Then if the real you cannot satisfy the other person, you will have to admit the bitter truth that you and your partner are not meant together. Deceiving and lying to impress the other person will only result in disappointment, distrust, and even disrespect. A relationship cannot hold if you do not respect each other. When you attempt a lie, not only you disrespect your partner, but when reality is uncovered, his/her perspectives of you can also be very different.

Relationship troubles should also be taken care of with honesty. If there are things you want to change in your current relationship, then start by telling your partner. If it were me, I would rather hear the truth, in a gentle way, rather than being kept in the dark, or deception. If you let what was bothering you fester, the next time you speak or disagree it all blows up into a bigger confrontation.

So, listen up, liars, big fat ones or tiny little ones: you reap what you sow. Or as JT puts it, “What goes around comes back around”. Karma, my friend, is something you will never expect to return to you.

Your opinions on lying?

Lying should be avoided completely
1 (i voted for this)
White lies are fine
3
Telling lies is necessary
0

Tags: lies, thoughts

Tuesday July 15, 2008 - 12:27am (EDT)"