Vì Tôi Cần Thấy Em Yêu Đời - Trình bày: Trịnh Công Sơn

Osho on Relationships and Living Partners

Question:

Would you talk to us about our living partners -- our Wives, husbands and lovers. When should we persevere with a partner, and when Should we abandon a relationship as hopeless -- or even Destructive?

Osho :

Relationship is one of the mysteries. And because it exists between two persons, it depends on both. Whenever two persons meet, a new world is created. Just by their meeting, a new phenomenon comes into existence -- which was not before, which never existed before. And through that new phenomenon, both persons are changed and transformed. Unrelated, you are one thing; related, immediately you become something else. A new thing has happened. A woman when she becomes a lover is no longer the same woman.

A man when he becomes a father is no longer the same man. A child is born, but we miss one point completely; the moment the child is born, the mother is also born. This never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother never. And a mother is something absolutely new. Relationship is created by you, but then, in its turn, relationship creates you. Two persons meet, that means two worlds meet. It is not a simple thing but very complex, the most complex.

Each person is a world unto himself or herself, a complex mystery with a long past and an eternal future. In the beginning only peripheries meet. But if the relationship grows intimate, becomes closer, becomes deeper, then by and by centers start meeting. When centers meet, it is called love. When peripheries meet, it is acquaintance. You touch the person from the without, just from the boundary, then it is acquaintance. Many times you start calling your acquaintance your love. Then you are in a fallacy. Acquaintance is not love.

Love is very rare. To meet a person at his center is to pass through a revolution yourself, because if you want to meet a person at his center, you will have to allow that person to reach to your center also. You will have to become vulnerable, absolutely vulnerable, open. It is risky. To allow somebody to reach your center is risky, dangerous, because you never know what that person will do to you. And once all your secrets are known, once your hiddenness has become unhidden, once you are exposed completely, what that other person will do, you never know. The fear is there. That's why we never open.

Just acquaintance, and we think that love has happened. Peripheries meet, and we think we have met. You are not your periphery. Really, the periphery is the boundary where you end, just the fencing around you. It is not you! The periphery is the place where you end and the world begins. Even husbands and wives who may have lived together for many years may be just acquaintances. They may not have known each other. And the more you live with someone, the more you forget completely that the centers have remained unknown.

So the first thing to be understood is: don't take acquaintance as love. You may be making love, you may be sexually related, but sex is also peripheral. Unless centers meet, sex is just a meeting of two bodies. And a meeting of two bodies is not your meeting. Sex also remains acquaintance --physical, bodily, but still acquaintance. You can allow somebody to enter to your center only when you are not afraid, when you are not fearful. So I say to you that there are two types of living. One: fear-oriented; one: love-oriented.

Fear-oriented living can never lead you into deep relationship. You remain afraid, and the other cannot be allowed, cannot be allowed to penetrate you to your very core. To an extent you allow the other and then the wall comes and everything stops. The love-oriented person is the religious person. The love-oriented person means one who is not afraid of the future, one who is not afraid of the result and the consequence, who lives here and now. Don't be bothered about the result. That is the fear-oriented mind. Don't think about what will happen out of it.

Just be here, and act totally. Don't calculate. A fear-oriented man is always calculating, planning, arranging, safeguarding. His whole life is lost in this way.

***

I have heard about an old Zen monk. He was on his deathbed. The last day had come, and he declared that that evening he would be no more. So followers, disciples, friends started coming. He had many lovers. They all started coming. From far and wide people gathered. One of his old disciples, when he heard that the master was going to die, ran to the market.

Somebody asked: The master is dying in his hut, why are you going to the market?

The old disciple said: I know that my master loves a particular type of cake, so Iam going to purchase the cake.

It was difficult to find the cake, because now it had gone out of fashion, but by the evening somehow he managed. He came running with the cake. And everybody was worried -- it was as if the master was waiting for someone. He would open his eyes and look, and close his eyes again.

And when this disciple came, he said: Okay, so you have come. Where is the cake? The disciple produced the cake -- and he was very happy that the master asked about the cake. Dying, the master took the cake in his hand, but his hand was not trembling. He was very old, but his hand was not trembling.

So somebody asked: You are so old and just on the verge of dying. The last breath is soon to leave you, but your hand is not trembling.

The master said: I never tremble, because there is no fear. My body has become old, but I am still young, and I will remain young even when the body is gone. Then he took a bite, started munching the cake.

And then somebody asked: What is your last message, Master? You will be leaving us soon. What do you want us to remember?

The master smiled and said: Ah, this cake is delicious.

This is a man who lives in the here and now: This cake is delicious. Even death is irrelevant. The next moment is meaningless. THIS moment this cake is delicious. If you can be in this moment, this present moment, this presentness, the plenitude, then only can you love.

***

Love is a rare flowering. It happens only sometimes. Millions and millions of people live in the false attitude that they are lovers. They believe that they love, but that is their belief only. Love is a rare flowering. Sometimes it happens. It is rare because it can happen only when there is no fear, never before. That means love can happen only to a very deeply spiritual, religious person. Sex is possible for all. Acquaintance is possible for all. Not love. When you are not afraid, then there is nothing to hide, then you can be open, then you can withdraw all boundaries. And then you can invite the other to penetrate you to the very core.

And remember, if you allow somebody to penetrate you deeply, the other will allow you to penetrate into himself or herself, because when you allow somebody to penetrate you, trust is created. When you are not afraid, the other becomes fearless. In your love, fear is always there. The husband is afraid of the wife, the wife is afraid of the husband. Lovers are always afraid. Then it is not love. Then it is just an arrangement of two fearful persons depending on each other, fighting, exploiting, manipulating, controlling, dominating, possessing -- but it is not love.

If you can allow love to happen, there is no need for prayer, there is no need for meditation, there is no need for any church, any temple. You can completely forget God if you can love -- because through love, everything will have happened to you: meditation, prayer, God. EVERYTHING will have happened to you. That's what Jesus means when he says: Love is God. But love is difficult. Fear has to be dropped. And this is the strange thing, that you are so afraid and you have nothing to lose.

Kabir has said somewhere: I look into people. They are so much afraid, but I can't see why -- because they have nothing to lose. Says Kabir: They are like a person who is naked, but never goes to take a bath in the river because he is afraid -- where will he dry his clothes? This is the situation you are in -- naked, with no clothes, but always afraid about the clothes. What have you got to lose? Nothing. This body will be taken by death. Before it is taken by death, give it to love. Whatsoever you have will be taken away.

Before it is taken away, why not share it? That is the Only way of possessing it. If you can share and give, you are the master. It is going to be taken away. There is nothing which you can retain forever. Death will destroy everything. So, if you follow me rightly, the struggle is between death and love. If you can give, there will be no death. Before anything can be taken away from you, you will have already given it, you will have made it a gift. There can be no death. For a lover there is no death.

For a non-lover, every moment is a death, because every moment something is being snatched away from him. The body is disappearing, he is losing every moment. And then there will be death, and everything will be annihilated. What is the fear? Why are you so afraid? Even if everything is known about you and you are an open book, why fear? How can it harm you? Just false conceptions, just conditionings given by the society, that you have to hide, that you have to protect yourself, that you have to be constantly in a fighting mood, that everybody is an enemy, that everybody is against you.

Nobody is against you! Even if you feel somebody is against you, he too is not against you -- because everybody is concerned with himself, not with you. There is nothing to fear. This has to be realized before a real relationship can happen. There is nothing to fear. Meditate on it. And then allow the other to enter you, invite the other to enter you. Don't create any barrier anywhere, become a passage always open, no locks, no doors on you, no closed doors on you. Then love is possible.

When two centers meet, there is love. And love is an alchemical phenomenon -- just like hydrogen and oxygen meet and a new thing, water, is created. You can have hydrogen, you can have oxygen, but if you are thirsty, they will be useless. You can have as much oxygen as you want, as much hydrogen as you like, but the thirst will not go. When two centers meet a new thing is created. That new thing is love. And it is just like water, the thirst of many, many lives is satisfied. Suddenly you become content. That is the visible sign of love; you become content, as if you have achieved everything. There is nothing to achieve now; You have reached the goal.

There is no further goal, destiny is fulfilled. The seed has become a flower, has come to its total flowering. Deep contentment is the visible sign of love. Whenever a person is in love, he is in deep contentment. Love cannot be seen, but contentment, the deep satisfaction around him...his every breath, his every movement, his very being -- content. You may be surprised when I say to you that love makes you desireless, but desire is with discontent. You desire because you don't have. You desire because you think if you have something it will give you contentment.

Desire is out of discontent. When there is love and two centers have met and dissolved and merged, and a new alchemical quality is born, contentment is there. It is as if the whole existence has stopped -- no movement. Then the present moment is the only moment. And then you can say: Ah, this cake is delicious. Even death doesn't mean anything to a man who is in love. So I say to you, love will make you desireless. Be fearless, drop fears, be open. Allow some center to meet the center within you. you will be reborn through it, a new quality of being will be created.

This quality of being says: This is god. God is not an argument, it is a fulfillment, a feeling of fulfillment. You may have observed that whenever you are discontent, you want to deny God. Whenever you are dissatisfied, your whole being wants to say: There is no God. Atheism is not out of logic, it is out of discontent. You may rationalize it -- that's another thing. You may not say you are an atheist because you are discontent. You may say: There is no God and I have got proofs. But that is not the true thing.

If you are satisfied, suddenly your whole being says: THERE is god. Suddenly you feel it! The whole existence becomes divine. If love is there you will be really for the first time in the feeling that existence is divine and everything is a blessing. But much has to be done before this can happen. Much has to be destroyed before this can happen. You have to destroy all that creates barriers in you.

***

Make love a SADHANA, an inner discipline. Don't allow it just to be a frivolous thing. Don't allow it just to be an occupation of the mind. Don't allow it just to be a bodily satisfaction. Make it an inner search, and take the other as a help, as a friend. If you have heard anything about Tantra, you will know that Tantra says: If you can find a consort, a friend, a woman or a man, who is ready to move with you towards the inner center, who is ready to move with you to the highest peak of relationship, then this relationship will become meditative.

Then through this relationship you will achieve the ultimate relationship. Then the other becomes just a door. Let me explain it: if you love a person, by and by first the periphery of the person disappears, the form of the person disappears. You come more and more in contact with the formless, the inner. The form becomes, by and by, vague and disappears. And if you go deeper, then even this formless individual starts disappearing and melting. Then the beyond opens. Then that particular individual was just a door, an opening.

And through your lover, you find the divine. Because we cannot love, we need so many religious rituals. They are substitutes, and very poor substitutes. A Meera needs no temple to go to. The whole existence is her temple. She can dance before a tree and the tree becomes Krishna. She can sing before a bird and the bird becomes Krishna. She creates her Krishna around her everywhere. Her love is such that wherever she looks the door opens and the Krishna is revealed, the beloved is revealed.

***

But the first glimpse will always come through an individual. It is difficult to be in contact with the universal. It is so big, so vast, so beginning-less, endless. From where to start? From where to move into it? The individual is the door. Fall in love. And don't make it a struggle. Make it a deep allowance for the other, just an invitation. And allow the other to penetrate you without any conditions. And suddenly the other disappears and God is there. If your lover or beloved cannot become divine, then nothing in this world can become divine. Then all your religious talk is just nonsense. This can happen with a child. This can happen with an animal, your dog.

If you can be in deep relationship with a dog, it can happen -- the dog becomes divine! So it is not a question of man and woman only. That is one of the deepest sources of the divine and it reaches you naturally, but it can happen from anywhere. The basic key is this: you should allow the other to penetrate you to your very deepest core, to the very ground of your being. But we go on deceiving ourselves. We think we love. And if you think that you love, then there is no possibility for love to happen -- because if this is love, then everything is closed.

Make fresh efforts. Try to find in the other the real being that is hidden. Don't take anybody for granted. Every individual is such a mystery that if you go on and on into him it is endless. But we get bored with the other -- because just the periphery, and always the periphery. I was reading a story: A man was very ill and he tried all types of "pathies," but nothing would help. Then he went to a hypnotist and the hypnotist gave him a mantra, to repeat continuously: I am not ill.

For at least fifteen minutes in the morning and fifteen minutes at night: I am not ill, I am healthy. And the whole day, whenever you remember, repeat it. Within a few days he started getting better. And within weeks he was absolutely okay. Then he told his wife: This has been a miracle! Should I go to this hypnotist for another miracle also? Because lately I am feeling no sexual appetite and the sexual relationship has almost stopped. There is no desire.

The wife was happy. She said: You go -- because she was feeling very frustrated. The man went to the hypnotist. He came back, his wife asked: What mantra, what suggestion now has he given? The man wouldn't tell her. But within weeks his sexual appetite started returning. He started feeling desire again. So the wife was very much puzzled. She continuously persisted in asking, but the man would laugh and would not say anything. So one day she tried, when he was in the bathroom in the morning doing his meditation, that fifteen-minute mantra, she tried to hear what he was saying. And he was saying: She is not my wife. She is not my wife. She is not my wife.

We take persons for granted. Somebody is your wife -- relationship is finished. Somebody is your husband -- relationship is finished. Now there is no adventure, the other has become a thing, a commodity. The other is not now a mystery to be searched the other is no longer new.

***

Remember, everything goes dead with age. The periphery is always old, and the center is always new. The periphery cannot remain new, because every moment it is getting old, stale. The center is always fresh and young. Your soul is neither a child, nor a young man, nor an old man. Your soul is simply eternally fresh. It has no age. You can experiment with it: you may be young, you may be old, just close your eyes and find out. Try to feel how your center is -- old? young? You will feel that the center is neither.

It is always new, it never gets old. Why? Because the center doesn't belong to time. In the process of time, everything becomes old. A man is born -- the body has started becoming old already! When we say that a child is one week old, it means one week of oldness has penetrated into the child. The child has already passed seven days towards death, he has completed seven days of dying. He is moving towards death -- sooner or later he will be dead. Whatsoever comes in time becomes old. The moment it enters time, it is already becoming old.

Your body is old, your periphery is old. You cannot be eternally in love with it. But your center is always fresh, it is eternally young. Once you are in contact with it, love is an every-moment discovery. And then the honeymoon never ends. If it ends it was not a honeymoon at all -- it was just an acquaintance. And the last thing to remember is: in the relationship of love you always blame the other if something goes wrong. If something is not happening as it should, the other is responsible. This will destroy the whole possibility of future growth.

Remember: you are always responsible, and change yourself. Drop those qualities which create trouble. Make love a self-transformation. As they say in salesmen's courses: The customer is always right. I would like to say to you: In the world of relationship and love, you are always in the wrong, the other is always right. And this is how lovers always feel. If there is love, they always feel: Something is wrong with me if things are not happening as they should. And both feel the same way! Then things grow, then centers open, then boundaries merge.

But if you think that the other is wrong, you are closing yourself and the other. And the other also thinks that you are wrong. Thoughts are infectious. If you think the other is wrong even if you have not said it, even if you are smiling and showing that you don't think the other is wrong -- the other has got the point -- through your eyes, through your gestures, through your face. Even if you are an actor, a great actor, and you can just arrange your face, your gestures as you like, then too the unconscious is continuously sending signals: You are wrong.

And when you say that the other is wrong, the other starts feeling that you are wrong. Relationship is destroyed on this rock, and then people become closed. If you say somebody is wrong, somebody starts protecting, safeguarding. Then closure happens.

Remember always: in love, you are always wrong. And then the possibility will open and the other will also feel the same. We create the feeling in the other. When lovers are close, immediately thoughts go jumping from one to the other. Even if they are not saying anything, they are silent, they communicate. Language is for non-lovers, those who are not in love. For lovers, silence is enough language. Without saying anything, they go on speaking. If you take love as sadhana, then don't say the other is wrong.

Just try to find out: somewhere, something must be wrong in you, and drop that wrongness. It is going to be difficult because it is going to be against the ego. It is going to be difficult because it will hurt your pride. It is going to be difficult because this will not be dominating, possessing. You will not be more powerful through possessing the other. This will destroy your ego -- that's why it is going to be difficult.

But destruction of the ego is the point, the goal. From wherever you like to approach the inner world -- from love, from meditation, from yoga, from prayer -- whatsoever the path you choose, the goal is the same: the destruction of the ego, throwing the ego away. Through love it can be done very easily. And it is so natural! Love is the natural religion.

http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Shiva-Shakti/living_partners.htm

P.S. Then, have we (so called parents, partners, friends) ever loved and/ or be loved? :)

More:

http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Shiva-Shakti/osho_on_marriage.htm

http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Shiva-Shakti/Relationship-counseling.htm

http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Shiva-Shakti/Aloneness_is_Beauitful.htm

In Defense of Humanities

Less stuff, more happiness

REGRETS OF THE DYING - Những điều hối tiếc của người sắp lìa đời

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

http://inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

--

Bài này của một chị người Úc tên Bonnie Ware. Chị ấy làm nghề "palliative care", chăm sóc sức khỏe cơ thể lẫn tinh thần cho người bị bệnh nặng, nằm nhà chờ chết. Thời gian qua các bệnh nhân đã tâm sự với chị ấy nhiều điều, trong đó có những hối tiếc thật sự xúc động. (Bài được một người bạn của tôi dịch sang tiếng Việt, dưới là link bài gốc tiếng Anh). Joe.

www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Tôi có nhiều năm công tác trong lĩnh vực chăm sóc giảm nhẹ nỗi đau cho người bệnh. Đa số bệnh nhân của tôi đã về nhà nằm chờ thần chết mang đi. Có một vài kỷ niệm đặc biệt thật sự ấn tượng khi tôi chăm sóc họ trong quãng thời gian từ 3 đến 12 tuần cuối của cuộc đời mỗi bệnh nhân.

Người ta dường như trưởng thành hơn khi đối mặt với cái chết. Tôi học được một điều rằng không nên đánh giá thấp khả năng có thể xảy ra sự thay đổi của một ai đó. Một số người thay đổi đáng kinh ngạc. Mỗi người đều trải qua một chuỗi những cảm xúc khác nhau từ mong đợi, từ chối, sợ hãi, giận dữ, hối hận đến từ chối lần nữa và cuối cùng là chấp nhận sự thật. Mỗi người trong số họ đều tìm thấy sự bình yên của mình trước khi rời khỏi cõi đời. Tất cả họ đều như vậy.

Khi được hỏi rằng điều gì làm cho họ hối tiếc hoặc nếu được làm lại liệu họ có làm khác đi không, có một số chủ đề rất quen thuộc luôn được đề cập tới. Và sau đây là 5 tình huống trả lời phổ biến nhất:

1. Ước gì tôi đủ can đảm để sống một cuộc sống cho bản thân mình, không phải sống cuộc đời mà người khác trông chờ ở tôi

Đây gần như là điều mà mọi người hối tiếc nhất. Càng gần với cái chết, người ta càng nhận thấy mình có quá nhiều ước mơ còn dang dở. Hầu như mọi người đã không cho phép mình thực hiện thậm chí là chỉ một nửa ước mơ của mình, để rồi họ phải chết trong cảm giác điều đó là do họ đã hoặc chưa thực hiện.

Hãy cố gắng và trân trọng ít nhất một vài ước mơ của mình trong hành trình cuộc đời bạn, điều này rất quan trọng. Đừng để khi bạn ốm đau bệnh tật mới nhận ra điều đó, đã quá muộn rồi. Sức khỏe mang lại cho bạn sự tự do thoải mái mà rất ít người nhận ra, cho đến khi bạn không còn sở hữu được nó.

2. Ước gì tôi đã không làm việc quá cật lực

Đây là câu trả lời của nhiều nam bệnh nhân mà tôi chăm sóc. Họ đã bỏ lỡ thời niên thiếu của con cái mình và bỏ phí luôn cả khoảng thời gian êm đềm bên cạnh người bạn đời của mình. Nữ bệnh nhân cũng hối tiếc về điều này. Nhưng đa số câu trả lời đến từ thế hệ người lớn tuổi, những người phụ nữ không phải là trụ cột gia đình. Đa số những người đàn ông tôi chăm sóc đều rất hối tiếc vì đã mất quá nhiều thời gian quay cuồng trong công việc.

Bằng cách đơn giản hóa cuộc sống và thực hiện những chọn lựa tỉnh táo thì bạn sẽ không quan tâm đến vấn đề thu nhập như bây giờ. Và bằng cách tạo ra nhiều không gian hơn trong cuộc sống, bạn sẽ trở nên hạnh phúc hơn và cởi mở hơn với các cơ hội mới, những cái phù hợp với lối sống mới của bạn.

3. Ước gì tôi đã can đảm biểu lộ những cảm xúc của mình

Rất nhiều người tự kiềm nén cảm xúc chỉ vì muốn giữ hòa bình với những người khác. Kết quả là, họ chấp nhận một cuộc sống tầm thường và không bao giờ trở thành những người mà họ thực sự có khả năng trở thành. Nhiều căn bệnh liên quan đến sự cay đắng và oán giận mà họ phải gánh chịu.

Chúng ta không thể kiểm soát được phản ứng của người khác. Ban đầu mọi người có thể phản ứng khi thấy bạn thay đổi, nhưng khi bạn nói chuyện một cách trung thực thẳng thắn, thì có thể mối quan hệ của bạn sẽ được nâng lên một tầm cao mới và bền chặt hơn. Hoặc có thể là mối quan hệ lỏng lẻo này sẽ biến mất khỏi cuộc sống của bạn. Dù cái nào xảy ra đi chăng nữa, bạn cũng là người chiến thắng.

4. Ước gì tôi vẫn giữ liên lạc với bạn bè của mình.

Thường thì họ sẽ không thực sự nhận ra sự quan trọng cần thiết của những người bạn cũ cho đến những tuần cuối cùng khi cái chất cận kề và đến lúc ấy thì không dễ dàng gì để liên lạc gặp gỡ. Nhiều người bị cuốn vào cuộc sống riêng của mình và để cho tình bạn quý giá trượt dốc trong những năm qua. Nhiều người đã rất hối tiếc về việc không dành nhiều thời gian cho tình bạn và nỗ lực vì mối quan hệ này. Mọi người đều nhớ đến bạn bè của mình khi đang chết dần đi.

Điều này rất phổ biến với những ai đang quay cuồng trong cuộc sống bận rộn mà không nhận ra mối quan hệ bạn bè của mình trượt dốc. Nhưng khi bạn đang phải đối mặt với cái chết đến gần, các chi tiết thực tế trong cuộc sống sẽ mất đi sự quan trọng. Tất nhiên với nhiều người, nếu có thể thì họ muốn giải quyết cho xong các vấn đề về tài chính. Bản thân các vấn đề đó không thật sự quan trọng với họ; họ muốn làm những điều đó cho lợi ích của những người mà họ yêu thương. Nhưng thường họ quá yếu và không đủ sức đảm nhiệm công việc này. Những gì còn lại trong những tuần cuối cùng luôn chỉ là tình yêu và các mối quan hệ.

5. Ước gì tôi đã để cho bản thân mình được hạnh phúc hơn.

Điều này thật đáng ngạc nhiên. Nhiều người cho đến cuối đời mới nhận ra rằng: hạnh phúc là một sự lựa chọn. Họ đã mắc kẹt trong các mô hình cũ và thói quen. Cái được gọi là "tiện nghi" quen thuộc tràn vào cảm xúc của họ, cũng như cuộc sống vật chất. Lo sợ thay đổi thì họ giả vờ cho người khác, và bản thân của họ, rằng họ cảm thấy hạnh phúc. Nhưng ẩn sâu bên trong, họ mong muốn cười đúng cách và được ngu ngốc trong cuộc sống của họ một lần nữa.

Khi đang trên giường bệnh, những gì người khác nghĩ về bạn là một chặng đường dài từ tâm trí của bạn. Tuyệt vời làm sao khi sẵn sàng đi tiếp và mỉm cười một lần nữa, rất lâu trước khi bạn sắp lìa đời.

Cuộc sống là sự lựa chọn. Đó là cuộc sống CỦA BẠN. Chọn một cách có ý thức, chọn một cách khôn ngoan, chọn một cách trung thực. Chọn lựa hạnh phúc.

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars, and in the middle, you see the blue center-light pop, and everybody goes 'Aww!'

~ Jarc Kerouac (On the Road)

Day #1: Why Bhutan? - An Introduction

Người Việt cần biết gì về Phương Tây?

Tiến sĩ Kim Huỳnh

Gửi cho BBCVietnamese.com từ Đà Nẵng

Cập nhật: 09:21 GMT - thứ năm, 3 tháng 11, 2011

Lối sống Phương Tây ngày càng hiện rõ ở các thành phố Việt Nam

Hiện nay nhiều thanh niên Việt Nam muốn đi du học và sinh sống ở các nước Phương Tây, nhất là những nước nói Tiếng Anh như Úc, Mỹ, Anh và Canada.

Nhưng ấn tượng của họ về xã hội và con người phương Tây nhiều khi sai lầm, hạn hẹp hoặc giản đơn. Một số người nghĩ Phương Tây giống như thiên đàng: một nơi mà mình chắc hẳn được giàu có, hạnh phúc và tự do.

Chủ đề liên quan

• Văn hóa

Một số khác thấy xã hội ở các nước Phương Tây nguy hiểm, xa lạ và không bao giờ hợp với cách sống của người Việt. Ai đúng hơn? Phương Tây sự thật như thế nào?

Điểm riêng

Trước hết, chúng ta không nên định kiến cho rằng Phương Tây là một. Mỗi xã hội và mỗi cá nhân đều có tính cách riêng biệt. Ví dụ, lịch sử nước Anh có lâu dài và trước đây là một đế quốc vinh quang, nhưng hiện nay đã suy tàn. Như vậy, người Anh có xu hướng nhìn về quá khứ.

Họ hay kính trọng truyền thống, phong tục và giai cấp quý tộc. Sự hài hước của người Anh là nhăn nhó và mỉa mai, đôi khi khiến mình cười cợt và khóc lóc cùng lúc (bạn nên xem The Office, Extras, Psychoville và những phim của Christopher Morris).

Còn người Mỹ hay nhìn về phía trước. Theo họ, Hoa Kỳ là miền đất hứa và là quốc gia quan trọng nhất đã chống chủ nghĩa phát xít và chủ nghĩa cộng sản và cứu thế giới. Nhiều khi họ tin tưởng mình như Chúa cứu thế, một cách nghĩ được phản ánh trong văn hóa của họ.

Biết bao nhiêu phim Mỹ nói về một người có xuất thân khiêm tốn nhưng đã trở thành vị cứu tinh của thế giới do vận số, đạo đức và sự can đảm (The Matrix, Transformers, Rocky, Shrek…).

Còn nếu bạn muốn đi Úc, nên nhớ, ‘Australia rhymes with failure’ (trong tiếng Anh từ ‘Úc’ có vần với từ ‘thất bại’). Vì người da trắng đầu tiên định cư ở Úc là các tù nhân từ Anh, nên Châu Úc không phải là miền đất hứa mà là miền đất bị bỏ rơi. Đó là một lục địa vắng vẻ dưới cùng của quả địa cầu.

Bởi vậy nhiều câu chuyện trọng đại của Úc ca tụng những con người và sự kiện thất bại một cách dũng cảm (ví dụ trận đánh và bộ phim Gallipoli và bài hát ca ngợi quốc gia không chính thức ‘Waltzing Matilda’).

Người Úc hay chọc ghẹo nhau vì bản năng của họ là thích công bằng, không thích ai kiêu căng quá.

Điểm chung

Mặc dù có nhiều khác biệt, nhưng cũng có những đặc tính chung mà mỗi xã hội Phương Tây đều chia sẻ. Khi hiểu điều cơ bản này, chúng ta có thể bắt đầu hiểu sâu hơn về những đặc tính riêng biệt của mỗi người. Và có thể trong tương lai mình sẽ hiểu xã hội, văn hóa và chính trị của người Tây hơn họ hiểu chính họ.

"Mặc dù có nhiều khác biệt, nhưng cũng có những đặc tính chung mà mỗi xã hội Phương Tây đều chia sẻ. Khi hiểu điều cơ bản này, chúng ta có thể bắt đầu hiểu sâu hơn về những đặc tính riêng biệt của mỗi người."

Một điểm quan trọng mà chúng ta phải biết về người Tây là họ thường thường tắm vào buổi sáng. Khi tôi là thanh niên, phát hiện ra điều này, tôi đã rất ngạc nghiên. Vì trong các gia đình nói chung ở Châu Á người ta có xu hướng tắm vào buổi chiều. Tôi đã không hiểu vì sao người Tây chịu đi ngủ sau khi làm việc suốt ngày, người đầy mồ hôi và có vẻ hơi dơ dáy.

Giờ đây tôi hiểu việc tắm của Tây và Ta khác nhau vì lịch sử kinh tế của mỗi phương trời không giống nhau. Theo truyền thống, người Châu Á là nhà nông và hiện nay ở Việt Nam đa số còn theo chu kỳ sản xuất nông nghiệp: thức dậy sớm, ngủ trưa và khi làm đồng về tắm vào buổi chiều. Trái ngược lại, nhiều Người Tây cần tắm vào buổi sáng để giúp họ tỉnh táo và chuẩn bị quần áo công sở để đi làm.

Xã hội của họ là hậu công nghiệp và chủ yếu là thành phần trung lưu. Ở Úc khoảng 20% dân số là giàu, 30% là nghèo và giai cấp trung lưu chiếm 50% (nghĩa là được học trường cao đẳng hay đại học và thường thường làm trong văn phòng). Những người này không cần tắm vào buổi tối vì họ ít ra mồ hôi ban ngày.

Các nước Phương Tây trở nên giàu có ít nhất là từ sau Thế chiến Hai. Điều này không có nghĩa là người Tây tốt hơn người Việt. Cũng không có nghĩa là sống ở các nước Phương Tây sướng hơn sống ở Việt Nam. Chỉ có điều hoàn cảnh giàu có không chỉ ảnh hưởng việc tắm mà thôi, mà còn ảnh hưởng đến quan điểm và cơ cấu xã hội của người Tây.

Nghịch lý

Một điều mà có thể làm cho bạn ngạc nghiên là ở Phương Tây, người mập nhất nhiều khi lại là người thuộc giai cấp nghèo và là người lao động. Lý do là dù hầu hết mọi người có khả năng mua xe hơi và có đầy đủ đồ ăn, nhưng nhiều người không có đủ cơ hội để tập thể dục và không hiểu biết về ăn uống để tạo ra lối sống lành mạnh. Khi đến Phương Tây, bạn sẽ thấy ngay, không phải là tất cả người Tây trông đẹp đẽ và có vóc dáng mảnh khảnh như diễn viên trong Glee và Desperate Housewives.

Hơn nữa, có một vấn đề rất lớn ở các nước nói tiếng Anh mà giàu có. Khi người ta lo về tiền bạc, vật chất quá mức, họ không thể lo về cuộc sống của cộng đồng xã hội. Francis Fukuyama, nhà trí thức gốc Châu Á nổi tiếng nhất tại Phương Tây, đã nhận xét: chủ nghĩa cá nhân làm cho nền văn minh Phương Tây trở nên sáng tạo và thịnh vượng, và đồng thời cũng làm mòn dần hầu hết những loại quyền uy trong xã hội. Không ai kính trọng ai. Vì vậy, hiện nay ở Phương Tây gia đình, hàng xóm và quốc gia trở nên yếu đi so với trước đây.

Vào thập kỷ 1970 người Mỹ đi dã ngoại (picnic) trung bình mỗi năm năm lần (nghĩa là họ hay đi chơi ở ngoài trời và san sẻ đồ ăn mà mỗi người có). Vào cuối thế kỷ 20 người Mỹ trung bình chỉ đi picnic khoảng hai lần mỗi năm thôi. Đây là một trong nhiều chỉ số chứng tỏ các nước nói Tiếng Anh bị thiếu ‘vốn xã hội’.

Trong trường hợp này người ta không có hy vọng và lòng tin vào cộng đồng. Hiển nhiên nhất đối với thanh niên: bệnh trầm cảm và việc tự tử trong giới thanh niên càng ngày càng cao hơn.

Chắc nhiều người Việt cũng biết rằng việc phát triển nền kinh tế nhiều khi gắn liền với những vấn đề xã hội. Tôi có những người quen ở Việt Nam trước đây nghèo khó, nhà cửa dột nát và chật chội vì nhiều bà con và bạn bè đến ở. Vào thập kỷ 80 cả nhà phải góp tiền mua một máy truyền hình đen trắng. Nhưng nay gia đình họ cất nhà mới cao tầng, mỗi phòng ngủ đều có tivi LCD.

Không có ai tranh cãi nữa vì không có ai tiếp xúc với nhau. Họ thoải mái hơn, nhưng không chắc đã hạnh phúc hơn. Phương Tây đã trải qua nhiều vấn đề như thế này rồi. Người Việt nên chú ý đến kinh nghiệm của người Tây để tránh những vấn đề mà họ đã gặp phải.

Nhãn quan chính trị

Hệ thống chính trị khác nhau cũng có thể khiến người Việt khó hiểu khi ở Phương Tây

Vị trí trung tâm của giai cấp trung lưu và điều kiện sống thoải mái trong xã hội Phương Tây cũng định hình nhãn quan chính trị. Ở Việt Nam, chiếu theo lý thuyết Marx và tư tưởng Hồ Chí Minh, việc đấu tranh của phái tả là vì công lý cho giai cấp vô sản và nông dân. Ở Phương Tây, hai giai cấp này thường có điều kiện sống đầy đủ nên họ sẽ không tham gia đấu tranh.

Như vậy, phái tả ở Phương Tây không lo về chủ nghĩa duy vật, mà chỉ quan tâm những vấn đề liên quan bản sắc, văn hóa và phong cách sống. Họ muốn bênh vực quyền lợi cho phụ nữ, cho dân tộc thiểu số, cho người đồng tính, cho người di dân, cho cả con vật và lẫn người nghèo trong các nước đang phát triển.

Thông thường, họ cảm thấy có lỗi với lịch sử thực dân của phương Tây và cách tiêu thụ quá mức mà đã đóng góp vào khủng hoảng biến đổi khí hậu. Vì vậy, nhiều người thanh niên phái tả bi quan về xã hội của họ và cảm thấy hơi tội lỗi và ngại ngùng về sự thịnh vượng. Những người này thèm muốn một đời sống đơn giản. Họ mặc quần áo cũ rích, hay ăn chay, đạp xe đạp và hay làm việc ở các tổ chức viện trợ. Gia đình họ nhiều khi giàu có nhưng lại phải giả bộ nghèo khó.

Ngược lại, người theo phái hữu nhìn thấy bổn phận chính của họ là bảo vệ nền văn hóa và văn minh Phương Tây, chống lại người theo phái tả và những đe dọa khác. Bất chấp khủng hoảng tài chính toàn cầu, những người này kiêu hãnh vì sự giàu có và sự thành công của những nước tự do tư bản. Họ nghĩ từ khi Phương Tây chiến thắng Chiến Tranh Lạnh, nhất định không có tư tưởng nào tốt hơn và có thể đe dọa chủ nghĩa dân chủ tự do.

"Dĩ nhiên, đa số người ở Phương Tây không hoàn toàn thuộc phái tả hay phái hữu và nhiều khi không theo phái nào. Tuy nhiên, khi bạn hiểu những điểm này, bạn sẽ bắt đầu hiểu thêm những lực lượng và vấn đề ảnh hưởng tới mỗi người."

Họ nhìn lại 30 năm và cho rằng sự phát triển ở các nước Châu Á có được là nhờ quyết định giống Tây phương hơn, như mở rộng thị trường và đôi khi kể cả hệ thống chính trị và xã hội.

Về văn hóa, quan điểm và sự hy vọng, người phái hữu nhận xét thanh niên ở nhiều nước – bao gồm Việt Nam và cả nước Trung Đông đang cách mạng – càng ngày càng Tây hóa.

Họ muốn mặc quần áo Tây, dùng kỹ thuật Tây, tiêu thụ sản phẩm Tây và đoạn tuyệt với những sự bắt ép của xã hội cũ. Trong sự biển đổi đồ sộ này, không có ai bị bắt buộc và không dân tộc nào bị chiếm làm thuộc địa. Nghĩa là văn minh và văn hóa Phương Tây đang có duyên rõ rệt với mỗi người. Bởi vậy, theo phái hữu, người Tây nên bảo vệ và phổ biến tư tưởng của họ để có lợi cho lối sống khắp mọi nơi.

Người thanh niên phái hữu nhiều khi cũng lo về vấn đề đề cao cá nhân, giữ gìn môi trường và bảo vệ quyền cho những người bị đè nén bóc lột. Nhưng họ khác phái tả vì họ tin tưởng vào cách giải quyết những vấn đề này được phát hiện trong sáng kiến, tự tin và sự phát đạt Tây Phương.

Theo họ, người Mỹ, Anh và Úc nên tự tin và tích cực hơn trên trường quốc tế, không được quỵ lụy theo các tư tưởng, văn hóa khác hay cũng trở nên bất an như người phái tả.

Dĩ nhiên, đa số người ở Phương Tây không hoàn toàn thuộc phái tả hay phái hữu và nhiều khi không theo phái nào. Tuy nhiên, khi bạn hiểu những điểm này, bạn sẽ bắt đầu hiểu thêm những lực lượng và vấn đề ảnh hưởng tới mỗi người. Sự hiểu biết này có lẽ làm cho bạn bớt bị ‘sốc văn hóa’ và mở rộng suy nghĩ về những câu hỏi rất quan trọng như, “Tôi sẽ thích ở Phương Tây không? Phương Tây sẽ thay đổi tôi như thế nào? Và tôi sẽ tắm vào buổi sáng hay buổi chiều?”

Tiến sĩ Kim Huỳnh là giảng viên tại Đại Học Quốc Gia Úc, đã đăng tiểu sử về gia đình mình trong cuốn Where the Sea Takes Us: A Vietnamese-Australian Story (HarperCollins 2008) và là một trong hai chủ bút của cuốn sách The Culture Wars: Australian and American Politics in the 21st Century (Palgrave MacMillan 2009). Bản gốc tiếng Việt được bà Hà Thị Thu Hương từ Trung tâm Integrated Culture and Language Studies (ICLS) chỉnh sửa đôi chút và BBC biên tập lại.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/vietnamese/vietnam/2011/11/111102_vietnamese_west_kimhuynh.shtml

on wanting stuff

There are people who claim never to want stuff anymore, who just don’t care about cool clothes and gadgets and bags and notebooks, who have moved past desiring things.

Those people are lying.

Unless you’re a certified Zen Master, you never move beyond wanting stuff (and even the Zen Masters have their temptations, I’m sure). We’re humans, and we have desires. When the new iPhone comes out, I lust over it just as most technophiles like me do.

I don’t, however, buy the iPhone. I’ve lusted after the iPhone since it first came out in 2007, and for more than four years, I’ve resisted getting one. Not because I like torturing myself, nor because I think I’m too cool for an iPhone, but because I don’t want to give in to the lust. I know I don’t need the iPhone, and I know my brain has been tricked into wanting it.

When we want things that are beautiful, cool, sexy (yes, we have semi-sexual desires for objects, and yes that’s weird) … we have been tricked. Not tricked because we’re ignorant, stupid, foolish, but because we’re human. Corporations have become good at tricking us, at tapping into our desires, and as a result we lust for and then buy their products.

Apple is one of the best at this, and it has done such a good job that when I tweeted a small observation about Steve Jobs, I got Hate Tweets for my stupidity, blindness, retardedness, pretentiousness. All those words and more. Because I suggested that Apple’s marketing has worked very, very well on us (myself included).

Apple is not the only one, but it’s one of the best examples. We lust over other brands, including shoes, laptop bags, jeans, coffeemakers, hamburgers and more. The advertising has worked on us.

But don’t be disappointed with yourself. There is no way to stop wanting, but there are ways to reduce the desires.

Stop going to malls and other places designed to get you to buy things.

Stop watching so much TV (or at least block all the ads) because it’s designed to get you to buy stuff.

Stop reading magazines full of ads designed to get you to buy stuff.

Stop reading catalogs, which are just ads.

Stop going to online sites that are full of stuff you might want to buy. Stop going to online shopping sites so much.

Stop looking at the things other people have, online and off, and learn to be happy with what you already have.

And when you do notice yourself wanting something (awareness is everything), pause. Pause some more. Put it on a 30-day list. Wait. The desires go away with time.

Some take more than four years though.

(Thanks to Jeremy Barth for the post idea.)

http://mnmlist.com/

Slow Down

Em đừng tin

Em đang tin vào nhiều điều quá. Đừng tin em ạ.

Em đừng tin vào những cái nhìn ngưỡng mộ. Người ta có thể nhìn những người khác như nhìn em, người ta có thể nhìn như thế đối với những bông hoa, người ta có thể nhìn như thế đối với những ngôi nhà, người ta có thể nhìn như thế đối với muôn vàn điều khác.

Em đừng tin vào những cái nhìn ham muốn. Em sinh ra là một người đàn bà, người đàn bà sinh ra là để người ta ham muốn. Em đừng cảm thấy mình đặc biệt khi bắt gặp những cái nhìn ấy.

Em đừng tin vào những cái gì người ta gọi là sự thánh thiện trong trắng, em đừng tin vào những gì người ta gọi là tội lỗi. Chỉ là cái nhìn của đám đông ngoài kia mà thôi. Một lúc nào đó anh sẽ lại ở bên cạnh em, chỉ có chúng ta, chúng ta sống, thật sự sống, trong một phút hay trong một năm hay nhiều năm… em sẽ thấy chẳng có gì là thánh thiện hay tội lỗi, chỉ là sống mà thôi.

Em đừng tin vào những gì em mất mát. Những cái mất mát là những cái đã xảy ra, đã xảy ra em ạ. Chúng ta tồn tại thật sự trong lúc này, ngay trong lúc này. Cuộc sống của em luôn đầy đủ luôn nguyên vẹn, nếu như em thành thật nhìn vào giây phút này mà thôi, chỉ nghĩ về giây phút này mà thôi.

Em đừng tin vào sự bất hạnh. Chúng ta đã được sinh ra trên đời này, đã đi, đã nghe, đã nhìn, đã buồn đã vui… Chúng ta là những người hạnh phúc. Thậm chí em cũng đừng tin vào niềm hạnh phúc. Chỉ cần em tin vào niềm hạnh phúc, thì sự chờ đón và cố gắng đạt được nó sẽ làm cuộc sống của em trở thành địa ngục và em sẽ phải đau xót vì những thứ nhỏ nhoi.

Em đừng tin vào nỗi cô đơn. Chúng ta khác nhau như những giọt nước. Khi giọt nước thành hình, dù chúng y sì như những giọt khác, thì chúng cũng là một cá thể riêng biệt, nếu hòa vào nhau chúng sẽ chết không còn là giọt nước nữa. Chúng ta sinh ra đã tách rời nhau như thế. Em đừng buồn khi người ta không hiểu em, vì em cũng không thể hiểu họ. Em đừng buồn khi người ta quay lưng đi bỏ em lại một mình, vì khi ấy chính họ cũng không còn em.

Em đừng tin vào những lời nói yêu thương. Lời nói yêu thương bay đi ngay khi nó được nói xong. Em lại phải chờ đợi những lời yêu thương khác.

Em đừng tin vào những lời hứa. Đấy là lời nói về những điều chưa xảy ra và có thể chẳng bao giờ xảy ra.

Em đừng tin gì cả.

Em đừng tin gì, không tin gì hết. Em sẽ không còn là nô lệ của những gì đã, đang, và sẽ diễn ra. Lúc ấy thế giới sẽ trở nên sáng rỡ và đẹp đẽ.

Lúc ấy dĩ nhiên anh ở bên em.

http://hoabenbo.tumblr.com/post/6208477674/em-ung-tin

The economics of happiness

Sean Dagan Wood Mar 15, 2011 Positive News Issue 67

A new documentary film is proposing that localised economies can heal the Earth and restore our wellbeing There has perhaps been no time more important than now, when the world faces urgent environmental, economic and social crises, to ask, “what’s really going on here?” It turns out that these crises are all connected, and there’s something systemic driving them: globalisation, according to a new documentary film, The Economics of Happiness. But the film offers a message of hope, showing there is a strategic way to address these problems simultaneously – economic localisation. “The incredible benefits of localising need to be spelled out, and above all in terms of happiness,” believes the film’s co-producer, Helena Norberg-Hodge, who is the founder of The International Society for Ecology and Culture (ISEC). Helena spends part of every year in Ladakh in India, working with local people to protect their culture and environment from the effects of rapid modernisation. As one of the first westerners to visit the region when it was opened to tourism and development in 1975, she quickly mastered the Ladakhi language and gained a unique insider perspective as western goods, policies and attitudes impacted the indigenous culture. What she found at the heart of the threatened Ladakhi culture were the things she realised are key to individual and social wellbeing. “What it’s really about,” she says, “is rediscovering the essential relationships – both with the living world and with one another – that ultimately give our lives meaning and joy.” But the Economics of Happiness isn’t proposing we go backwards to a previous existence, rather it calls for a change in the economic system in order to bring about a replenishment of what really creates quality of life. Featuring interviews with thinkers and activists from every continent – including Zac Goldsmith, Vandana Shiva, Andrew Simms of the New Economics Foundation and oil depletion expert, Richard Heinberg – the film suggests that by shifting towards localised economies, we can reduce our ecological footprint while increasing human wellbeing. “What’s so wonderful about localisation is that there is a path that transcends what most people believe are the only options: communism, socialism or capitalism,” Helena says. “The system we have today is a political choice. There hasn’t been enough discussion about the importance of the human-scale, instead of giant, top-down structures, whether they’re political or economic.” The importance of sustainable agriculture is a key focus in the documentary. Removing people from the land is the root of all unemployment it argues, while local food systems increase self-reliance and reduce poverty, and biodiverse farms are capable of producing 3-5 times more food than industrial monocultures. The appearance of these kinds of initiatives is accelerating, Helena says. “It’s incredibly inspiring. In the early days, people thought it sounded fanciful and unrealistic, but now there’s a very powerful local food movement. Projects that started 20 years ago with no help from the media or government and no funding – everywhere you look, they are growing.” Changes such as re-regulation of trade and finance, producing what we need closer to home and shortening supply chains, and creating a decentralised energy system based on renewables, will create more jobs, reduce environmental impact and strengthen community life, the film promises. The government can play its part through regulation, tax and subsidisation that favours the local, Helena believes, but she emphasises that just being disgruntled with government is missing the true picture; the real problem is huge corporations. “The wealth and the power lies with these de-regulated, mobile banks,” she says. “The people inside them are being pressured by speculation and investment, so it’s a sort of blind system, where the escalation is disastrous.” But our current economic model, based on pursuing endless growth in GDP (gross domestic product), is now being put under scrutiny as the stresses it creates for people increase. “It’s leading to drug and alcohol abuse and to depression,” Helena believes, “it’s really destroying human relationships and people are having to become harder so it’s a very sad thing to see. It’s so unnecessary.” With The Economics of Happiness, Helena wanted to spell out these connections. “I don’t think the bigger links are made clear – between speculative investment and large-scale corporate concentration and how that, in turn, lies behind not just global warming and waste and toxic pollution, but unemployment, loneliness and so on. “I think we should be demanding meaningful policy change. We need to be talking about why government is so poor – why is there no money when we know that there are billions for all kinds of technological expansion and we see the billions concentrated in the hands of multinationals?” The film hopes to show there is another way. “The mainstream media doesn’t let us know about the resistance to globalisation or about these alternatives,” Helena says. “But now local initiatives are being linked to business alliances, people are beginning to move money into local banks, and of course you have the transition town movement… It really is bottom-up people power.” So how do we begin getting involved? “People can become more aware of these issues,” she suggests, “starting to turn towards building closer relationships with friends and like-minded people in the area where they live. Awareness building and group process becomes a source of support and joy.” Helena feels that by driving consumerism, our economic system is perverting our real needs. Research worldwide has shown that what people value more than anything is good relationships with other people, she points out, and that there’s a sense of wellbeing when we’re in nature. “For people suffering from depression, studies have shown that a large proportion found that a walk in nature made them feel better. And equally a walk in a shopping mall made them feel less good.” The film is clear in its call, above all, for structural change. But it reveals that in moving away from being isolated, individualised consumers to connecting with other people, that immediately becomes an inner change. “We’re really looking for love, basically,” Helena says. “If you look at successful treatments for alcohol and drug addiction, almost all of them include group process and community building. Community heals. Community creates happiness. What’s so wonderful about localisation is that it’s a path that can bring about these benefits very quickly if people understand and turn towards others.” More Information: To buy the film or organise a community screening, visit: www.theeconomicsofhappiness.org Image: Still from The Economics of Happiness

Films for Change

Affluenza – On the ‘ailment’ of consumerism

Baraka – Montage of unforgettable images; a collage of life in all its beauty and brutality

Bag It – “Is your life too plastic?”

Big River – A 30-minute documentary about the ecological consequences of industrial agriculture, by the makers of King Corn

Cannibal Tours – “Affords a glimpse at the real (mostly unconsidered or misunderstood) reasons why 'civilised' people wish to encounter the 'primitive' … where much of what passes for values in western culture is exposed in stark relief as banal and fake.”

Captialism: A Love Story – Michael Moore’s latest feature takes a piercing look at the ‘mother of all problems’

Consuming Kids: The Commercialization of Childhood

Exporting Harm: The High-Tech Trashing of Asia – Find out the toxic reality of where your old electronics go after you take them for 'recycling' or throw them out

Fed Up! – An entertaining and informative overview of our current food production system from the Green Revolution to the Biotech Revolution and what we can do about it

Food, Inc. – Exposes America's industrialized food system and its effect on our environment, health, economy and workers' rights. “You’ll never look at dinner the same way”

Fowl Play – On the industrial egg industry and the suffering it entails; a parable of how society has become disconnected from what we eat

Fourth World War – A story of men and women around the world who resist being annihilated by globalization

Garbage: The Revolution Starts at Home – A typical Canadian family agrees to keep its garbage at home rather than export it 'out of sight, out of mind'. Shows the true hidden costs of the consumer class lifestyle

Gone Tomorrow: The Hidden Life of Garbage - Shows how today's waste crisis is intrinsic to capitalism, and how anti-litter campaigns were devised by corporations to disarm restrictions on disposable packaging

Harsud: Making of a Ghost Town – The socio-cultural costs paid by local communities in Maharashtra, India, in the name of “development”

Home – Spectacular aerial footage of the Earth shot in fifty countries by Yann Arthus- Bertrand; a clarion call for humanity to become aware of the full extent of its spoliation of the Earth and change its patterns of consumption

In the Forest Stands a Bridge – A beautiful record of the dying art of bamboo bridge making in Arunachal Pradesh, India, and the tribal community that makes it possible

Iskay Yachay: Two Kinds of Knowledge; Loving Teacher; Being a Wawa in the Andes; other films by PRATEC (Andean Project of Peasant Technologies)

John and Jane – Unsettling look at the reality of call centers – and cultural imperialism – in India, and modernity’s profound loneliness and confusion (www.john-and-jane.com)

King Corn – About two friends, one acre of corn, and the subsidized crop that drives the U.S. fast-food nation. Raises troubling questions about how we eat – and how we farm

Let’s Make Money – Eerie truths about the casino called the international financial system (www.letsmakemoney.at)

Life and Debt – A story of some of the impacts on Jamaica of international financial institutions, structural adjustment and free trade policies, and mass tourism

Manufactured Landscapes – A stunning look at the ‘monstrosity of globalized commerce’ focussing on China

Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media – Unforgettable look at the information propaganda machine and its complicity in wars and other disasters, by the same people who later made The Corporation

Mother Earth – The amazing work of P.V. Sateesh and the Deccan Development Society to revive traditional agro-ecological knowledge, seeds and practices in Andhra Pradesh (no website information available)

No Impact Man – A New York City-based family resolve to live for a year with the minimum environmental impact

1000 Days and a Dream – A multi-year struggle by villagers against a coca cola factory in Kerala) (http://thirdeyefilms.org/)

Our Daily Bread – A montage of unforgettable, disturbing images of the inner workings of the industrial food system

Our Synthetic Sea – The health and environmental crisis of plastics, saturating the oceans, sea life, and ultimately, us

Pig Business – The true cost behind the factory-farmed pork in supermarkets, who’s behind it, and what you can do about it

Schooling the World – Beautifully shot on location in Ladakh, looks at the impact of Western-style schooling on indigenous cultures

Surplus – The emptiness of consumerism in the rich world juxtaposed with the suffering to create it in the poor

The Age of Stupid – An old man living in the devastated world of 2055, watches 'archive' footage from 2008 and asks: why didn't we stop climate change while we had the chance?

The Century of the Self; The Power of Nightmares; The Trap: What Happened to Our Dreams of Freedom? – A riveting series of films exposing, among many other things, the power of media and propaganda to manipulate

The Coconut Revolution – When the islanders of Bouganville kick out a multinational mining company, they undertake to rediscover their traditions and regenerate their local economy

The Corporation – An unflinching anatomy of the most powerful institution of our time; essential viewing

The End of Poverty? – “The first film to succinctly explain how our economic system has created poverty and why it is the foundation for the current financial crisis”

The Future of Food – On the perils of industrial food system generally, but especially about genetically mutilated foods

The 11th Hour – Industrial capitalism has brought every life-support system on Earth to the brink of collapse. A broad-ranging examination of this, the most pressing crisis of our times

The End of Suburbia – On the ‘peak oil’ phenomenon and all its implications to survival of oil dependent industrial ‘civilization’

The Global Banquet – Exposes globalization’s profoundly damaging effect on our food system in easily understandable terms

The New Rulers of the World – Renowned journalist John Pilger explores the connection between oppressive regimes and corporate globalization in Indonesia

The Planet – A powerful portrait of the devastating effects of the global economy on the environment worldwide

The Power of Community: How Cuba Survived Peak Oil – An inspiring and solutions- oriented film that’s especially good to show after End of Suburbia

The Slow Poisoning of India – On the devastating health effects of pesticides in India

The Story of Stuff – Simple and short – but powerful – animated explanation of the problems of globalization and consumerism, and a call for a radically different path

The Take – Workers in Argentina dispossessed by the vicissitudes of 'structural adjustment' decide to 'take' back their workplaces, minus bosses and hierarchy

The War on Democracy – John Pilger's look at the movements for genuine democracy in Latin America, and the imperial forces that oppose them

The World According to Monsanto - Investigative expose of the notorious chemical- biotech company

The Yes Men, and sequel, The Yes Men Fix the World – Hilarious yet serious pranksterism against corporate power run amok

Toxic Sludge is Good for You: The Public Relations Industry Unspun

We Feed the World – Traces the sources of some of the industrial food system in Europe, making the links to environmental destruction and injustice ‘somewhere else’ along the way

What a Way to Go – “A middle class white guy comes to grips with peak oil, climate change, mass extinction, population overshoot and the demise of the American lifestyle”

What Would Jesus Buy? – Reverend Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping take on America's suicidal consumer binge during the Christmas holiday 'shopping season'

What's the Economy For, Anyway? – “A humorous monologue about the American economy today, challenging the ways we measure economic success – especially the Gross Domestic Product”

Yap: How Did They Know We’d Like TV? – “A witty and disturbing view of cultural imperialism at its most cynical and blatant”

http://www.localfutures.org/get-involved/2-raise-awareness/films-for-change

France tops the poll as the world's most pessimistic nation. How true is this?

By Matthieu Boisseau
07/01/2011

This is more a confirmation rather than a ground-breaking discovery : the French are pessimistic. This is what a PeopA BVA-Gallup poll reveals, as it has drawn the following conclusion: the French are 'the world champions of pessimism'.

Has France definitely lost hope ?

According to the poll, conducted in 53 countries from October 11 to December 13, 2010, 61% of our French compatriots think 2011 will be “a year of economic difficulty”. In other words, it turns out that the French are entering the new year in a gloomier frame of mind about their finances and job security than their counterparts of most other European countries experiencing troubles, including "Belt-tightening" Great Britain (52%), 'unemployment champion' Spain (48%), and 'skirt-chasing' Italy (41%). 2011 will be a year of depression - in both senses of the word.

This pessimism is further illustrated by a poor confidence in the short-term future : only 8 per cent of French participants told Ipsos MORI that they expected their financial position to improve over the next six months. Again, France appears as the most sceptical nation, far behind Australia (35 per cent of optimists), the United States (34 per cent) and Germany (29 per cent). Overall, 37 per cent of French participants said 2011 would be 'worse than 2010'...My fellow down-hearted friends : Happy New Year !

Why are the French so oblivious to their luck ?

If we have the most beautiful country of the world : why are we so pessimistic ? According to the newspaper France-Soir, the poll's results are beyond understanding, as our situation – economic, industrial, political - is arguably still one of the best in the world. To illustrate this point of view, France-Soir has provided French readers with 15 reasons not to be pessimistic. Amongst these were: a wide range of culture facilities, a transparent(ish) democracy, healthcare provided to all, a good educational system, and quality infrastructure. “The French are amongst the most worried of people while the whole world envies them!” the tabloid concludes. Meaning that la vie may be belle, but the French will never be satisfied.

But this is a bit simplistic. It would imply that we should turn a blind eye to the increasing number of political scandals, the spying of journalists, and the declining competitiveness of French companies in the world. The truth is that even if there are actually plenty of reasons to be happy, the ever-worsening states of democracy and educational system does not make us optimistic. The fact that citizens are realizing that their priceless and unique living conditions, symbolized by healthcare system and holidays, are crumbling away could go some way to explaining France's pessimism.

The poorer, the merrier ?

But what is the most surprising is that the French turn out to be considerably more pessimistic than poorer and war-torn populations. For instance, only 14% of Afghans and 12% of Iraqis are fearing a deterioration of their situation.

Among the world’s most cheerful optimists are the Vietnamese, the poll suggested, as 70 per cent of them are confident about their economic prospects. Evoking another upbeat country, the newspaper Le Parisien noticed: 'despite coups d’etat, corruption and poverty, confidence also reigns in Nigeria'. Indeed, 80% of respondents expect their financial situation to improve this year.

Has happiness a unique meaning ?

Though it is hardly a news-flash that France is a nation of pessimists (it is one of these old refrains that columnists endlessly use when they are short of more interesting topics), it is admittedly astounding to see the striking divergence between confident, optimistic and newly prospering emerging countries and their worried, anxious counterparts in the 'rich and industrialised' West.

How can it be explained? Is there any rational explanation ? First of all, we must not confuse happiness and optimism. You may be quite 'unhappy' (ie : depressed, angry, demotivate) about being back to work, but you might be 'optimistic' as you have a lot of exciting events upcoming (ie : parties, dates, gigs...). To be more precise, 'optimistic' Afghans may guess and hope things are on the verge of taking a more positive turn, but it does not mean that they are happy, as bombings and misery are still poisoning their daily life. One could also (cynically) argue that as things cannot get worse, Afghans and Iraqis only have to be optimistic: they have very little left to lose. But the most relevant point is probably that it is quite impossible – and irrelevant to rank such different countries according to their optimism. Obviously demands and habits are not on a same level. While the Afghan is looking for a roof and drinkable water, the Frenchman is hunting for the latest smart-phone. This is why claiming that the French are more pessimistic than the Iraqi is not remotely useful- it just is not quantifiable.

One last thought for you to ponder: who has the most enviable situation : a 'pessimistic' French or an 'optimistic' Iraqi?

http://www.franceinlondon.com/en-Article-692-France-tops-the-poll-as-the-worlds-most-pessimistic-nation-How-true-is-this-Politics--Poll-Happiness.html

Mad World - Gary Jules

It’s All About The Fit

This is a guest post.

Some people say that you can be anything you want to be – if you just work hard enough. But science tells us that is not true – we aren’t great at everything. But we are great at some things. So, if we could discover what we are great at, and we knew how to assess and evaluate our world, we could always find those places, in work and life, that allow us to use what we are great at. We would feel capable and competent. We would feel excited and passionate. We could find our best fit.

It’s in the DNA

Hardwired in our brains, delivered through our DNA, are our talents, strengths and passions that make us good at some things and not others; we love some things but not others. We have no more control over these than we do selecting our gender. But what we do have control over is our effort to discover these unique attributes to know how to use them to invent a life that is meaningful, successful and happy for us. Know ourselves. Know our world. Find our fit. This is our responsibility.

Why it’s all changed

We are now in an intellectual or service workplace. Much of manufacturing moved offshore; most of today’s businesses provide service, not products. This means employees are no longer behind machines, but are now face-to-face with customers. This changes everything about performance. Now, to be great in a job, we must be naturally good at it and like doing it. If not, the customer sees it and it impacts their loyalty and our success. Not everyone is right for every job and customers know it. We have to know ourselves, know what the job needs, then assess whether the job is a good fit for us. This is how we succeed or fail. Fit matters in the workplace.

Fit at work

You go into a retail store and the person behind the counter is busy reading something and doesn’t look up, come over or even greet you. First, what do you think? The guy’s a jerk or an idiot. Actually, the guy may be an exceptional person but isn’t naturally social. He may be the best at managing the inventory but is horrid with customers. Good person. Bad fit. If he knew himself – his talents, strengths and passions – he may have selected a job that allowed him to use what he is good at and interested in doing (details, analysis, precision). His performance would improve. His happiness would improve. And in the process you could have become a loyal customer instead of being pissed off. All because of fit.

Fit in life

Your parents want you to be an attorney. You want to be a park ranger. But you study law because you come from a family that knows how to dole out the guilt. You barely make it through school because it doesn’t come easily and you don’t like it. You barely graduate and now the great law firms aren’t interested in you. You are good, not great. They want great. You hate the job and your life. Fit matters in life.

You are who you are

The quality of your life is based on your ability to know yourself and to align your work and life to the things you are good at and passionate about doing. You don’t want my life. I don’t want yours. Yours should be invented around what matters to you, as mine should be for me. We each need to find our fit.

Check in often and change the world

This review for fit is something we must continually do throughout our lives. As we change and the world changes, what will be right for us will likely change. To build powerful, extraordinary and meaningful lives, we must always assess our fit – to find those places that let us make our greatest impact – to be in our zone – our greatness zone. And when we are at our best, we bring our best to the world. We transform the world.

So to have the most amazing life, get into your greatness zone – know yourself, know your world and identify the places that let you be the best you. Then each day you will wake up thrilled by life and make a profound difference. And isn’t that the way it is supposed to be?

Written by Jay Forte

Jay Forte is a business and motivational speaker, greatness coach, and author of The Greatness Zone – Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform the World and Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition. He teaches organizations how to attract, hire and retain today’s best talent. He coaches students, parents and professionals to discover and play to their personal greatness, to maximize their impact, success and happiness.

He can be reached at www.TheGreatnessZone.com and at 401.338.3505.

Article image by Will Clayton

Success | November 17th, 2010 | Written by Guest writer

http://www.lyved.com/success/its-all-about-the-fit/